"I am a god among men. My true name is unpronounceable by tongues of flesh. Therefore, on this plane, I am called Peter Rocchio Jr."

I suppose this is why we love our MMORPGs. Where else can we be "gods" (or "goddesses") among mere mortals, especially in a real world gone insane and spinning out of control...? In any event, Sigil Games, developer of the much-anticipated Vanguard:Saga of Heroes, has begun a new feature on its web site, introducing the men and women behind the software curtain. This month, we have the opportunity of getting to know Pete Rocchio. Since we already know of his divine status and secret name, let's move on and learn a bit more:

What he does:

"I create quests with but a thought, populate entire dungeons using a keystroke from my pinky, and slay the most powerful of creatures with a single command. There is no challenge that I cannot meet."

How he got started at Sigil:

"Jeff Butler and Brad McQuaid were plundering the horde of a dragon they had just slain when they discovered an egg. At that very moment the egg hatched and I spilled out, floundering into your realm. Laying eyes upon anyone for the first time I bonded to them as a child does to its mother. Together, they raised me as their own, honing both my mind and body into a weapon of awesome designing power."

His favorite part about working for a game company:

"The women. They are everywhere, swarming like ants on a Dorito at a picnic. Developers are mobbed whenever we step out of the office. Every night the bouncers form a phalanx and rush us into our limos before clothes start getting torn off. The location of my last dwelling was somehow leaked. I came home one night to find a window smashed and all my underwear stolen. Needless to say, I fired that useless security staff and promptly moved to another gigantic mansion on the beach. There is something about working on a fantasy MMORPG that just drives the ladies wild, don’t ask me to explain it."

One thing people might be surprised to learn about working at Sigil:

"Each day at noon they unlock our shackles for lunch and use electric prods to drive us like cattle. The sight of designers scurrying four legged around the walls to feast is both horrifying and beautiful."

The favorite thing he's have worked on for Vanguard so far:

"That would have to be, without a doubt, the giant skateboard ramp leading into a half-pipe we built. The ramp starts on the topmost portion of the Sigil building, making it over two stories high. Unfortunately, due to its immense size and the need for parking, there are no stairs leading up to the roof. To solve this dilemma we constructed a dumbwaiter manned by trained chimpanzees dressed in renaissance garb to reach the top."

The most challenging thing he's have done on Vanguard so far:

"The obstacle course you are required to finish after your first month here. Think of “The Eliminator” from American Gladiators, only one hundred times larger. Failure can mean death on this horrendous monstrosity. Events include the dash across spinning logs over a metal spike pit, the zip line through moving buzz saws, the uphill boulder dodge, and the dart gun shooting gallery.
The most fretful ordeal is the final one. I didn’t have skin on my backside for a year after being shot naked from cannon down a dry waterslide."

What class/race  he'll play when Vanguard is released:

"I will be playing myself. Once my neural implants are complete and the Virtual Reality interface coded to be compatible with the Unreal Engine, I will enter Vanguard as a hero unto myself. There is no need to choose a class as my physical prowess and martial abilities are already far beyond that of any mortal that has ever existed."

Cool!!! Hey, Pete, where do I sign up...?